It's okay to be ambivalent.
Ambivalence is our ability to have both positive & negative feelings toward the same person, object, or action, simultaneously drawing us in conflicting directions.
Realizing I had permission to be ambivalent was one of the most liberating experiences of my life.
Until that moment, I firmly believed that I had to know how I felt about things…
Whether I liked them or disliked them.
Whether I was happy or sad.
Whether I was hopeful or hopeless.
Or whether I anticipated with eagerness or not.
Because it was OK and natural to have multiple feelings about the same situation, I was freed from the internal battle to narrowly define myself and assign a crisp label to my emotions.
I could be of two minds.
Humans are complex creatures, so we naturally have a wide range of feelings about things.
The birth of a child is a good example of ambivalence denial.
It is rare for parents to experience anything other than “delight” and “joy” upon the birth of a child.
However, the arrival of a new baby comes with a host of negative consequences, including a decrease in freedom and choice, a shift in identity and lifestyle, exhaustion and depletion, anxiety, and overwhelm.
In other words, there are a lot more emotions than just “delight.”
The moral of the story is, it's okay to have mixed feelings about any one thing or person.
When you're feeling this way and faced with choices, it's important to tune in, accept both sides, and feel which one aligns most with your values & ideals.
The inner work you're doing right now can make those choices easier.